Very Short Funny Quotes
“I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” ― Anonymous
“If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” ― Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” ― Anonymous —Bob Hope
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”
The mind replays what the heart cannot delete
“I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.”
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” ― Anonymous
“I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.”
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”— Robin Williams
“There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” ― Anonymous
“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” ― Tina Fey, Bossypants
“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” ― Ellen DeGeneres
“Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” ― Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny
“To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” ― Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” ― George Burns
“What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” ― Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding
“Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” ― Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” ― Dave Barry
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” ― Steve Martin
“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” ― Jay Leno
“I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” ― Groucho Marx
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